Wow ! 4 Years later…   8 comments

It would seem I haven’t posted a blog since feb 2013. That’s 4 years ago ! See i can do mafs me.  Trying to put a four year update within 500 words or less will be a challenge, but i think I’m up for it. Then again is there any other survivors out there to read it ?  

Posted January 10, 2017 by gingersimon in Uncategorized

What I haven’t told you   10 comments

I’m like that. There are things I don’t tell because I think you don’t want or need to hear it. but having chewed and mulled over last nights blog ( the Destruction of Man) I WANT to tell you some more of my current background. The difficult stuff that provoked that wide ranging blurb about the relentlessness of a world in crisis and my unfailing hope. ( if not faith or love) … I appear to be about to become homeless. I have for over a moth been sending stuff to DWP London ( look it up) . they have forgotten calls, not actioned calls, Not recieved Faxes, Lost original applications . Every excuse and ineptitued under the sun. As a result I have loans approved that will fund and enable my move from Devizes ( no work here) to Bristol ( more work and a few tentative offers in person) . However it is currently all to late. I am (not) expecting a call by 4.30pm to see if DWP can exticate me from my dilemma, I have paid £192. agency fee to my new property ( a loan from good friends in Bristol) but may lose that I I don’t get the deposit and advance rent to them by Saturday Morning. As it is my Currentl landlady is less than enchanted with my difficulties and has her own friends lined up to move in. I have no money, no hire van, no expectation that DWP will be able to help. I have been banging my head against there wall for over a month and they cannot get dosh to me in the time frame needed. I will therefore – Tommorow Friday. empty out my house . possibly  into the road. – no really! I have to leave and have nowhere to go. So out it will be. If you’d like to join me for an illegal bonfire join me at 34 Phillip close, Devizes, Wiltshire. SN10 2BZ. but you’ll have to bring your own marshmallows. If you could bring me a van all fuelled up- even better.   I give up. I’ve tried so hard with so many applications, phone calls, faxes and heard so many apologies and need for repeat information. It’s all just beurocracy bollox.  As I write I’m also in pain from a leg injury incurred over a month ago. The doctors keep ginving me ineffective pain killers and I keep accepting to give it more time- it’s just a strain … I’m tired, near the end of hope and just want to grip out there in blog land that my goverment is unfit for purpose. However there is no viable replacement so i guess I’m stuck with the status quo and no-one to hold accountable. Fuck it all. I’m leaving my local training center now and going back to the house ( that is largely all packed up) with little or no reason to fight onward. I can honestly say that only the grief in  my kids lives stops me from doing the unthinkable. I love them and know that If I keep at it then there will be days, however brief , when we can share happiess . Right now I’m feeling very low and like the former title. like a man destroyed. Fortunately for the rest of the world. I don’t want to ‘go out’ with guns blazing. I don’t want to go out at all. But I can sure see the temptation to roll over and snooze out of this world. I won’t be able to update or reply this blog. I have no internet at the house. But I do have a cat. Maybe he has some good advice. Until then TTFN

love to all who can get it – when is it my turn ?  ( no spell checking cause I can’t be bothered )

 

Added bit:  Humph. Hope, it is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength, and your greatest weakness.

from the matrix… Since typing my gripe above hope has returned, albeit a flicker. 2.30 appointment to get advance rent fast tracked to my account. may get moving cost’s loan in same time, may be able to obtain a bridging loan from bank. to be deposited tomorrow if I get the paper work in today…  Gotta…keep….going….

 

Posted February 28, 2013 by gingersimon in Uncategorized

The Destruction of Man   1 comment

The Destruction of Man

(this is a non extra pictures production- cause I want you to use your minds !)

We are all guilty of something. Not just a specific event in our present of childhood. No we are all guilty of something else. Something that we would deny or even strenuously deny at first. But follow me and I will demonstrate that you don’t care.

That’s the thing we are all guilty of. A lack of comprehension of care. A lack of ability to care, A lack of willingness to care . I could rename care and it’s non- function in so many ways, eventually you’ll get the idea. That truth is most of us have accepted this as normal. Most of us will be aware and functioning at a high enough level to understand that we can only care so much and then our resource to care is depleted. We console ourselves with the idea that we care about our own and maybe a few others and so we have done enough to heal the world, feed the world, help the aged, release poverty or whatever small plastic bag pops through the letter box that week. Some of us dutifully do what we can. They are the good folk, the unsung heroes. Or are they the ineffective soothsayers who pointlessly battle against the tide. Self assured but collectively the victims of a professional care system that doesn’t actually do what it says. Of course that’s an image for my circle of the world. The relatively wealthy west (Although I have personally felt more of a northern country- but that’s just geography). There are those who live the lives that need caring for. The abducted or sold children who enter into slavery. Deliberately hooked onto heroin and used and abused until they are no longer fit for purpose. The purpose usually being sex or hard labour. Those who survive and grow out of that often continue lives of misery. They are the ones we cannot care about. There are so many, so far away, in a system that evades capture and proliferates to match the demand of a depraved society. Even that society that sub culture is hazy and impossible to penetrate. How can we care for those.?

Let’s paint a less personal picture. One where the event is not a sub culture or a depravity that shocks. It doesn’t take much imagination. An oil slick has emerged from some unwarranted or unpredictable disaster. Birds, fish, seals, grill, animals of every sea surface kind is washed up and covered in a thick film of crude oil. This time it’s not humans. This time it’s a chunk of nature that has been smote by some excusable or inexcusable action. We don’t have to cry out at the injustice so much this time. It’s a small local event that , though saddening, is small local and non-human. Nature has the resource and recourse to survive such events. Those in the area do what they can and those responsible make genuine efforts or paper promises that such a thing cannot happen again. The care has been demonstrated and we continue our lives in much the same way as before. Of course it does happen again and we are more or less immune after a while. OF course we are. The world we live in continues and so does the world where such a thing has happened. The uncomfortable truth is- we don’t care. Shit happens, move on. I do wonder if we would have the same careless attitude if the picture was of hundreds or thousands of humans, strewn across a black beach or floating in disarray upon a shining flotsam. Would we care more if it where our own ? Of course we would, but would we care enough? Collectively I’m not so sure.

I’ll paint another picture, one of course borne out of my culture and ignorance. Picture a black man. Face thinned and drawn, slightly scarred. One side is highlighted by a bright blazing son. The other side in darkness, outlined only by a hint of graying hair, corner of ear, pronounced chin. We could look at such a picture and we would make a judgment. Either a victim of birth, born into a struggling existence in an impoverished land. Or a fighter, war torn by genocidal hatred. The viewer of murder on a massive scale, fuelled by war lords with jealous ambitions and historical injustice. Either analysis is relevant. Either judgment is possible. Because from the picture I gave you. There is not enough information to make a real call. We don’t actually know the life or the man. So we revert to stereotypes. To the little scraps of information we have about some part of the world .We make the judgments on what we think we know, not the truth. The picture could just as easily be a white man. Stubbly faced, dark around the eyes, short unkempt hair. He could be an eastern European. Possibly still wearing a small firearm in the side of his green fatigued trousers. We being to see a picture of a ‘Christian’ or ‘Moslem’ involved in former Yugoslavia conflicts. We might begin to see a 1940’s Nazi on training in the woods. We might see a partisan fighter- surviving against the odds in guerilla warfare against oppression. So the picture in the mind is slowly formed and we file it away as “ over there” or “ not over here” and our lives continue. Our lives have to continue. To stop and consider a world full of war, hatred and injustice IS overwhelming. Herein lies the problem I pose.

We don’t care because we cannot do what is needed. That statement is one we have all digested at some level or other . It has some truth. It’s what might be called the collective dissociation. Bet you didn’t know you had that disorder ( OK some of you might have known) – I believe that to survive our lives as we chose- we have all disassociated from the horrors of life around us. We have too. It’s normal. OF course the not normal dissassociative behavior is when we ourselves do or endure a horror and have to split our personality in order to survive. It’s a classic survival mechanism. Forget that bit; deal with it later if you can. There are of course more complex versions of this. But In essence that’s what we all do. But should we accept that? Have we gone too far in not relating to the horror of ourselves or ‘mankind’ as a whole?

Too often we hear of accounts of a person who has ‘blown their top’. Some collective of events or difficulties in dealing with life’s troubles has run a person into murderous mayhem. A family is butchered. A town is shot up, of late it’s a school is Shot up. Why? The events are so outrageous, so far away from ‘dealing with life’ – to reach a level that a person kills all around him or her. How can this be!

I’ll let you into a small secret. A somewhat famous feminist once said that all men are potential rapists. For a long time I found that comment deeply offensive and personally repulsive. I couldn’t, I wouldn’t and its plain wrong. I do not detract from that denial personally. However 40 odd years later I begin to see the word “potential” with a little more respect. Could I be driven to such a depraved and personally violated position that rape became acceptable? It’s an extreme proposition. But “potentially” yes. Personally I think I would have reached the point where I was literally “Out of my Mind” to engage in such behavior. But then the word was “potentially” not wanted or desired. Given that premise any one of us (including feminists) could equally be murderers, torturers, rapists and so on. Of course this doesn’t happen does it. We are not all so oppressed or raised in wickedness that everyone is on a killing spree. Of course not. We are all largely rational human beings. Raised or gaining values and judgments that guides our lives. Able to make daily decisions to the benefit of all…. Or are we?

Granted that most of us have not lived the excess of abhorrence (or the excess of hedonism) but have survived respectfully and with some effort have assisted others. We who have continued on this path will progressively overcome. From one generation to the next good will prevail and the brother hood of man shall succeed. Bollox – sorry to be so crude. But I put t to you that the good will and wisdom of the best of us is not enough. As we progress through our times we have blinkered ourselves to the growing injustice, the tides of war and the imbalance of goods throughout the world. Our intelligence has become focused on what we can get and not on what we can do. Those random shootings happen for a reason. Because someone didn’t care. Poverty happens because someone didn’t care. War happens because someone didn’t care. Are you getting my idea ? YOU don’t care – because that is the normal condition that is the way to survive. And that is wrong.

That is the Destruction of Man

Oh dear, I seem to have placed a label on the exit point of every women (you know the one where babies come from) “ Lose hope all ye who enter here” (or should that be exit here?). Suddenly the world is one huge penal colony set up to punish our very existence. I have qualified that title, “The Destruction of Man”. That’s pretty much what I see going on. We are destroying ourselves in ignorance. From time to time I too have felt the rage of injustice. The inability to bring to account those responsible. And so the rage has no direction, until of course I find everyone else is responsible for not caring and so I type it out and accuse you all. That’s the same frustration that fuels so much of the misery I have spoken of. The random shooting is because the shooter will see all are responsible. The Genocide because a group is seen as responsible. We love to find someone else responsible except ourselves !

It has often been said to me and of me that I over think things. I suspect that the opposite is equally true of ‘the rest of the world’. The statement “ He did it because he was an idiot” has over simplified things. It’s easier to accept but no less true. The ideas that he did it because of x,y,z and the influence of A,B,C over a period of blah blah blah. The complexity is too much thinking and too many variables. To brand someone “An idiot” is so much simpler and so much easier. True though it may be, it’s not the whole truth . I too can be called an idiot. Unemployed, Failed marriage, few relationships, crap at maths ( except really good formula stuff…) Half a job , depressed, up at 4-6am typing drivel.. and so the labels flow like water from a cup. ( you have to pour it out to work it) . Ok to over simplify I’m an Idiot who can’t get a gun and shoot everyone . But it’s neither that simple nor that excessive. I am the product of life to date . I am NOT the end product however. Nor is the destruction of Man. It’s a likely scenario given what has been said to date. ( the general stuff, not my personal outrage) but it’s not a certainty. So the question arises. What is the Making of Man ? I’ll make it simple . It’s to care. To care beyond our own and bring hope out there. Where is there? It’s your neighbor that you haven’t had cause to speak to in the last few years ( or ever?) it’s starts in the small events . In the day to day before it can become a greater force for good. I find the Michael Jackson song deeply ironic . “I’m starting with the man in the mirror”. I wonder if he did. Can we only change our ways so far and no further. Is the nature of our selfishness so ingrained that we have a limit to our capacity to self improve? I hope not. For hope is a great philosophical tenant that can sustain the impossible or implausible . The stuff that made Martin Luthers Dreams , the stuff that creates new countries and new political systems of governance . ( and some of the old ones too) . Hope is what is left when all else has failed. Of course my religious training suggests that Faith and Love are best buddies of hope. But I’m dealing with a world that can get the idea of hope far easier that Faith or Love. Those last two are the next stage of evolution. The next rung of the ladder so to speak. I want you to not despair in the futility of a world in crisis. But to take hope and make it real. To have a hope and then begin to express it in a personal way that makes it real to others and of course makes it real itself. Hope based on some reality is always more effective that abstract hope based on whimsy and unreality. Right now I’m hoping my personal situation improves ( see prior list of why I can be called an idiot) . I’ve done a few things to make it a reality; I’ve kept that hope alive and acted on it. True the frustrations of life have dented it somewhat. Politics, society and stuff have got in the way at times. But hope remains that one way or another I’ll come out on top. Actually on top is quite far away right now. I’d be happy to be back in the rat race and improving my surroundings. I’ve had several years of personal misery and more than a few reasons for outrage ( and few in-rages, but that’s another story) but throughout I’ve not lost hope- at least not entirely. Hope remains when all else has failed. Hope will see its future and I will see mine. This man has not been destroyed yet- though a few have tried. This man understands that to care is the fuel of the car. To hope is the starter, the journey will continue even if I lack a map. Right off we go again – Anyone know how to drive?

Posted February 28, 2013 by gingersimon in Uncategorized

Why I’m not ‘Dating’   4 comments

(no pictures, no spilling  cheque,no re-read- gotta dash out) 

This could prove to be one of my shorter blogs. I guess I’m also inviting comment to see if I’m completely of the chart with this one or my self held integrity is correct ….. Very long story short- I became one of the many divorced a few years back. Aside from the personal distress that process caused I have been trying to improve my lot on various fronts (no- not building a ranch- just a metaphor for getting a better life, although some DIY has occurred.) I have so far dated once and ‘sort of’  dated a second time. The first attempt was an embarrassing disaster. I dared not drink (booze)as I would have been less than controlled when mixed along with the happy tabs ( maybe that was the first mistake). Then the entire but somewhat brief evening (at the pub) was interrupted every five minutes or so by the need to visit the gents. Perhaps If I had been far more relaxed and had drunk less Tea before hand I would have fared better. I was complimented and returned to base with no chance of a second date – though I could have brought the kids along to ‘Alice in Wonderland’ where she worked. That was nice of her. My most recent , almost dating , but not quite ,took me a little longer to figure out.  Although the contact was made as a result of my interest advertised (one of those Facebook thingy’s), what actually occurred was pleasant and well mannered (as opposed to hot and raunchy). The conversation was engaging and a good rapport ensued. However it wasn’t what I wanted. After much self analysis I have come to the conclusion ( and have also explained as best as i could to ‘sort of ‘ date no2) that I feel guilty dating !

 

I had to try it to find that out. Despite the time passed since divorce, despite the rights and wrongs of the failed marriage. Despite myself wanting to be loved,hugged and simply in contact with another human. I am still bound by my own words and promises made in the marriage. All in all , dash it and jolly rotten sport- it’s a tad inconvenient. You see I made numerous promises to my wife and she to me. I stated them of sound mind ( I know- bit debatable at this point) and sincerity and made them ‘before God and this congregation’ as the Vic said . I also stated that they where made until death us do part..  Those of you with a Christian ‘bent’ might start advising me of this or that. Sorry you’re too late for that banter. Much discussion had occurred during the marriage, so trying to mend all the broken pieces would be a bigger nightmare and most unworthy of the effort. Now I have tried to figure out the ‘weasel’ clauses. Divorce was given by God (the same one I made those stupid promises in front of) therefore he surely must acknowledge I tried – Huh ? Apparently not. Divorce was ‘given’  so we would not live a lifetime of bitter regrets or tear each other apart. Damn – err I mean oh dear, no remarriage to a younger model permitted then ? I could use the till death do us part bit- push her off a cliff or something. Apparently a pre-meditated murder might be a sticky wicket when it comes to ‘true repentance’ . Besides we have kids now, so that would definitely NOT be fair. Still searching for a weasel clause I have wondered if SHE started dating (and ultimately consummating) then I’d be free under the ‘except for Adultery’ clause. I know, it’s not really the right way to think, besides forever waiting for this could be a frightful waste of time. I’ve even considered the ‘do not make your oaths before God’ clause. Clearly he get’s a bit ticked off by us making promises before him, only to see it all go pear shaped soon afterwards. It’s not as if he ASKED us to swear before him – is it ?  I have considered many variations of the weasel move(encouraging accidental death, hypnotism and other mind controls, transubstation to an ethereal realm)  and have concluded that I’m stuck with the things I said. Many of you may have been near screaming the bleedin obvious by now- There is no God, marriage is a good idea but get over it all and move on man !!

Well I have considered that as well. Dump the religion and get some fun out of life. However I can’t. There are a few nitty gritty details why not, but I simply can’t. I really do believe there is a God out there ( and among us- even within a few…) and he believes in me. OK my belief in him has had some dubious stand points here and there, but fundamentally my faith has changed very little. I did briefly wonder if I could simply try out another wife alongside the one I had. A sort of back to basics of early Hebrew lifestyle thing ( as supported by Mormons and a few others) The Idea appealed to me (aside from UK law issues) until I realised one wife is hard enough to please- why would anyone want to multiply the struggle. So that Idea was quickly and permanently ditched . So here I am. Making the best of this ‘sort of single’ life  as a divorcee. That’s why I’m not dating thanks. It’s not a painfull self denial. I’m getting used to it and it’s like the days before, when girls where mates with bumps. (don’t read to much into that) I have much to be glad about and more will happen as I progress. I’m not sure if I’m going to get a heavenly sticker on my heavenly fridge door. But even if the whole God thing was a huge error on my part. I will have at least continued with some Integrity to what I think is right. If I’m going to make promises – like there will be no-one else but you regardless of what may happen (except death). Then I should stick to them. Dash it all and jolly rotten sport.

 

Should you be reading this and wondering why I feel the need to ‘put it all out there’ – well as usual it’s a self cathartic thing. I don’t want anyone to make the mistake of thinking I’m in ‘need of some lovin’ or hoping for a reconciliation. That’s not going to happen. If she started walking on water I’d still be suspicious and doubtless the same position is hers. We are separated thanks to hard heartedness all round. That’s the way it is. Whilst the talking has eased, the memory will remain. Personally I see that will always be.  Sad – yes, but not impossible to live though. This wasn’t meant to be quite so rambling or multi threaded. but then I’m still overlooking a lot of detail. Please accept my apologies dates no 1 & 2 . once again I didn’t really know what I was doing. However I’m pretty sure of the road I’m on now and as long as I stay on the right side then there shouldn’t be any head on collisions. Oooh look- pretty lights ……. 

 

Love to all who can get it (even me )

 

Simon

 

NB- No Valentines cards please- it’s making the dustman crease with laughter every year.

Posted February 9, 2012 by gingersimon in Uncategorized

Leadership- The Great Red Herring   3 comments

I’m not sure who coined the phrase ‘A Red Herring’ though such a thing does exist- If only cured in brine and heavily smoked. Most sensible blogs digresswould have a beginning, middle and end. So satisfying the reader’s expectations. I personally have no such skills when it comes to blog writing.  Partly due to my own leaning to anti establishment, partly due to the usual 3.30am must blog when all else fails ‘thing’ .Incidentally research elsewhere demonstrates that most blogs are written at these hours. Though I’m wholly uncertain if that puts me in good company or not. I digress….

 

My life may have a beginning, middle and end. However it is also full of new beginnings, an excessively full middle (must get back to doing some exerciseidig or other) and more loose ends that I can count. Besides the ultimate end has evaded me thus far and I do intend to keep it that way for as long as possible. 

 

 

Yep- this blog is something about my life , but more so something about the great red herring that is called leadership. Now don’t get me wrong. I fully applaud those great leaders of history and within my life who have shown the way we should go. Sadly – however – I seem to have a recollection more of the failed leaders than the good ones. Ok so we are all only human and you have to ‘take the rough with the smooth’ – so they say . (and they do say a lot don’t they..) My favourite expression in this regard would be ‘Empty barrels make the most noise”.However the knocking of those who fail in glorious (or should that be inglorious) technicolour is not the aim of this piece. Incidentally- This is turning out to be a long blog ! so it could be much ado about nothing…. As Billy once said .

bb I have been largely blessed with the experience of two youth organisations. Boys Brigade and Scouts. Both where joined at a young age but only one was followed though into ‘leadership’. Herein lies a telling tell- so I’ll tell you…. Both organisations have (or had) a central ethos to train children into becoming ‘good citizens’. Various codes of behaviour to follow and systems of merit to be awarded. It was at the last pointsc that I become dis-enchanted with The Boys Brigade. The ‘badge work’  set for it’s members all, ultimately, led to the promotion of an individual into leadership of his fellow brigadiers. I DO have some pleasure and pride to watch my elder brother work though the ranks and become a leader himself. However it wasn’t for me. I soon realised that with increasing merit, came increasing responsibility. I simply had no wish to become a great shinning example of a leader and merely enjoyed the simpler shared experiences amongst my colleagues. This I surmised at the inarticulate age of twelve. Being unable to say so I just opted out from the set program and was subsequently kicked out of the Boys Brigade for blowing my bugle in the church hall at some late hour. I had proved to my impressed mates that you can play rock around the clock tonight on a Bb bugle and that I had a unusual skill at reaching beyond the average high notes. Yes I could also blow my own trumpet…  438135-Royalty-Free-RF-Clip-Art-Illustration-Of-A-Cartoon-Black-And-White-Outline-Design-Of-A-Male-Trumpet-Player

OF course Boys Brigade is a worthy and beneficial organisation. However my experience still stands. I think it’s failing is based upon the army overtones that are inherent to it. I was never more than a private and justly so.  For those who love such an ordered and structured way, who wish to ascend the ranks and build on self esteem, then yes- it’s perfect….Moving onto my next victim of hindsight…..

 

 

Secondary school was also structured in a predictable way. The house system , just like Gryffindor,Slytherin,Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff of Harry Potter fame.Hogwarts_Houses Ours was Avon,Cotswolds,Severn and Mendip. Again my brother had passed through the hallowed halls some four years before me achieving prefect and doubtless other accolades. I’m not deriding his achievements. He fitted the system perfectly and knew how to get on. Predictably I did not. Merit points where given to individuals who had some notable distinction in class. Excellent homework, much improved results, organisation of events, that sort of thing. When a merit point was earned an individual was (presumably) obliged to post it into the house box and said house would have a monthly results score. The idea of the house system is of course to promote a friendly rivalry that results in (over)achieving pupils. In truth it was an excuse for house centred bullies to start a fight with opposing house members. Not quite what the headmaster had in mind ? Then again he wasn’t a wise old wizard with a friendly smile to all. but let’s not go there just now…

The DE-Merit was where I personally excelled. I didn’t even have to try. Just turn up and I’d get one. These items were worth minus 7 house points. ( yes 7 !) Looking back I could have not done the next thing. I dutifully posted each one on a daily basis- knowing that the house system was as corrupt a system of controls as the teaching staff that supported it.(yet I was still inarticulate, despite the thoughtful considerations of a now 13 yr old)   Mendip achieved a record minus figure for the next two months- still every one knew who I was now…….

Perhaps you can see the link. Both environments are designed to create good leaders. Both environments try to instil excellent values. Both failed those who sit dejected at the bottom . Myself included. Oh piffle I might hear my Capt or Head of school say . The boy was troubled and refused to fit in. Yes he was. No he didn’t fit in. Squares should not fit into circles, even if you hit them frequently and hard.   (Incidentally- they can be forced into the circle, just as long a few bits are knocked off and the contact to the shape is reduced to absolutely minimal points….) sqpino

 

Moving on. I DID become a leader in the Scout movement. It was bliss for nigh on three years. I had been a cub instructor (bottom level helping hand) for a while and then helped out the leader in the beavers section ( lot’s of tiny people with busy minds and  gaps of knowledge to fill). It was great ! I was now 18 and not only did I have the esteem of my little people, but I was having fun too. The party faded when the leader had to move out of the area due to work ( police driver as I recall). We had a few maybe leaders come and go and each time I just carried the can and ran the show. At this point the ‘Leadership Team’ ( or possibly the leader of the leadership team?)  decided that they where no longer going to supply new leaders when I could do the job . I knew this meant a level of responsibility I was unused to and frankly had avoided for much of my life. I wanted someone else to take charge and I would follow. It had worked before, let’s stay on this course?  A battle of wits ensued twixt leader training and myself. They remained insistent that no more leaders would be sent. I was the one. I tried hard to avoid being a leader. I contact parents asking for a new volunteer. None came forward, I learnt a potential leader was sent elsewhere. I deeply resented the poorly handled grooming I experienced and so called the bluff. The beavers where shut down due to lack of leadership a little more than a year later… It was very Sad for those beavers and more so for me. As much as I enjoyed the time I was still certain that I was not a leader…  Looking back I think I was right. Not only did the idea scare me, but my self confidence was so flawed and vulnerable at 18, that I would have crumpled at the first challenge. I had been a leader of the little people, not of the rules, regulation,system and organisation that I was a member of.  It wasn’t the demands of the kids that was a problem. It was the demand of my elders. Ultimately, the demand to be a leader.

 

Allow me a little gripe… Whilst Scouts is struggling – like most voluntary organisations- to retain it’s leaders or get new ones.  I note/feel/intuitively sense the increasing demand to make the leaders of tomorrow a central call. The Boys brigade did it, The Schools did it, It seems nearly everyone does it ! Companies can no longer rest in the comfort of being a popular brand amongst others. No !they have to be cutting edge and Market leaders. A Business manager can’t just use good marketing to get a comfortable slice of the pie NO ! he has to think outside of the box, break the glass ceiling, apply blue sky techniques and stand out from the crowd.  You see all these phrases, techniques,models of marketing or structure are leader centred. Can you imagine a company whose strategy is to make enough money to pay the bills,wages and maintain the status quo. It’s couldn’t happen ……. or could it ? 

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Leaders are either those who seek the position or those who did not. Those who sought greatness and those who had it thrust upon them. Of the first group I remain suspicious as to motive. Of course many have sought and established themselves as great leaders for the greater good of all. However history is written as much by those who make it as those who observe it. Therefore I uplift and encourage the right to question such accounts and bring to (my) knowledge both the good and bad of such folk.Personal accounts may differ from the public ones , I do however accept that even the biggest of private bullies may do good in public life. The latter group are generally ( and I have generalised much in this blog)  more humble and more suited to the praise they receive. Having sought to do the right thing for it’s own sake, the motive is a great as the action itself. You may see these leaders squirm in the glare of public adulation. They have become, as it were, victims of success. noteto selfThese leaders should not be eclipsed by the next striving wannabe of leadership. Invariably the one good leader has a dozen emulators who take the idea further than it should and so spoil it at the early stages. I have seen to many of the ‘suck ups’ . Espousing greatness but delivering ashes. How I wish I had a system for spotting them early and delivering the world from the grubby handed. As yet I have not created a working prototype for this function. But I promise you when I do I’ll not only get the patent- but offer it free to all in need ( quiet grunts of disquiet).

 

 

My point being ? Have fun, enjoy what you have and don’t make huge demands. I do wish I could be more articulate about this. But that’s it  ‘in a nut shell’ ( not that I’m a shelled nut …. then again). Yes Leaders are needed in life. Yes we the great masses would wonder around in a clueless fashion until someone shows the great achievements. Presumably one caveman showed another how to cook meat, make a fire and so on ( or is it more likely that SHE showed him …… nope don’t want to go there either). As our achievements grow, so does the need for leaders in each and every field of human development. But for Goodness sake  ! Let the rest of us follow. Each according to his/her own convictions.  We really can’t all be leaders. Now If I can turn this thought into a money making, job creating,social revolution then I will gladly accept the accolade that I led the way. Just don’t expect me to come up with any other new stuff.

 

Oh dear. It’s 6.00am and my rant at the unfair world is over. Soon I will have to attend my obligatory course and seek new employment. Assuming it’s not a leadership job then I guess it’ll be OK for an employer to read? Right a couple of pertinent but humorous pictures. Quick spell check and I’m off to grab an hour before the real world demands- LEAD ON MC’DUFF – THIS WORLD NEEDS ME ………or that could be a red herring ?

rh

Love to all who can get it

 

Simon – not the greatest leader of our times

 

For a fair and accurate assessment of your Leadership skills- you can follow this link. Just don’t assume that everyone HAS to be a leader – OK ?

What makes a Great Leader

Posted February 9, 2012 by gingersimon in Uncategorized

Destiny or Chance… Reboot   3 comments

open-road2

 

Click here to listen to :Talking Heads- Road to nowhere.

 

I like that sound track- Assuming you’ve been able to hear it I think you’ll find it even more relevant to this blog- after you’ve read it.  Ok, I apologise. Last post I gave you the above title and then waffled on about my latest move from Bristol and Devizes. This time I will expound on the title and even bring it to a conclusion that tells you what you should do next ( daring stuff ey ?). Those of you who are used to my writings may recall I briefly touched (no innuendo meant) on this topic in the post “ who are you,why are you here & do you really care” (yes that’s a link for those of us with the mental retention of a lesser mortal). randomness_happens In that -I gave examples of those who think life,the universe and everything is either random, planned or both.  Herein I find myself at a difficulty. You see for me it is either one or the other. A few guru’s of Asian descent (amongst others new and old) have suggested life is a combination of the two. My difficulty in this line God snake WQ of thought is ….to suggest there is an architect/God/universal soul/whatever  steering us, individually, to what he/she/it has planned for us. Yet at the same time random things effect that outcome. This being the case then there is a  probability that said Architect/God ( should that be a big G or a small one?)/Universal soul/ is it/his/her self the result of chance … Perhaps you see the dilemma – to permit a mix of Chance and Destiny. Conversely I suspect/feel/believe I have freewill (so the personal evidence suggests)  yet the suggestion of other greater thinkers is that I merely have the appearance of free will, that my choices were predicted or permitted to occur . So I find the conflict within my own thinking is just as confusing as it is in the world around me. Do I stand in one box or the other – is my choice really my choice. Whichever turns out to be the truth of it all, it would seem I can never be certain or prove anything other than my own convictions ( however solid they may or may not be) Confused ? Me too  ! Perhaps I should have suggested you limber up with a few mental exercises before embarking on this trip down ‘philio’  lane. Too late- I will plough on regardless…..

 

It seems (after a brief evening research) I have stumbled onto the topic of “ Teleology“  regrettably this does not involve getting a Masters Degree by watching the Television. but click on the link anyway, it may randomly lead you through a series of links that fulfil your “Destiny“. Then again it might not. It was with mild interest (and an excuse to offer you more links, thus giving the impression that I have knowledge of my forebears that qualifies my thoughts… That means show’s off a bit to be believed) Ahem, where was I- ah yes- it was with mild interest that a quote I sought “ Destiny is no matter of chance.” was splattered throughout the internet as being said by any number of people such as “William Jennings Bryan,Winston S. Churchill, Jean Nidetch” and various others who I have no idea about. I like that quote. However it assumes that destiny is real.

Evidence for Destiny…..

As I pass my blurry eyed gaze across the internet ( must get that eye test done) it 2-bhumi-akramana zodiac signscomes as no surprise to find that those seeking to find out,or should I say seek, Destiny (for themselves or others) are evidenced for thousands upon thousands of years. From small homely Christ on the Cross170px-Cave_Hirasayings( a penny for new shoes) to grand  institutionalised religions.(Amen) From trust to repetitious practice(touch wood) to huge personal revelations.(and then God said…) Yet despite the wealth of numbers and history, the proof that Destiny can be sought and fulfilled (in a logical manner) is pretty thin.Well at least I couldn’t find it !?  On the whole those who have the greatest voice to evidence Destiny are, themselves liable to fair critique. Even more so when  Time erases the certainty of what was said  (to the claims to Destiny ). However it is fair to conclude that the thoughts that Destiny exists are long held and unlikely to ever be proven either way .Or at least until the end of time/our lives/the infallible appearance of ‘The Destiny Maker’- (I’m banking on the last two… ).

 

Evidence for Chance ……

So I pass my gaze back to Mere chance. (Or is that Huge chance..) I find this line of thinking: That there is a randomness to everything and what happens just does. Chance simply is . This reasoning has the advantage that chance-dice-random-numbers-1-AHD co-incidence ( to some the evidence of Destiny) is simply just that- two (or more)incidents happening that are similar in some way. There is further support to this thought as the ‘Destiny Fulfilled’ can be considered to be self Destiny Fulfillers. That is to say,having believed in a Destiny a person (or group) seeks out the means to get to the point of Destiny. Which brings me back to the prior quote and lets me show you a bit more of it. “ Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.”. This being the case, then no sooner have you announced a destiny, then you go right on to working it out- thereby discrediting it was destiny ( or did you.. ) I guess that the amount of personal effort in fulfilling a destiny should be minimal to none if it is to be proven as a destiny . However the great ‘doers’ I have said that quote this line do that logic no service at all. Thus the ‘I have a Destiny’ group are simply making choices to create a given random incident. For example- I will win the national lottery. Having given that as my destiny I then seek to fulfil it by buying numerous tickets using a combination of frequent numbers mixed with a few infrequent ones…. given enough time I could fulfil my stated destiny . So it wasn’t destiny at all- simply a matter of increasing my random chances. ( co-incidentally I don’t think that is my destiny – though I do feel I would be a good choice for the Destiny maker if he so wishes.) On a topic aside-ish. I always smile at the logic of this old logo.give peace a chance You see a chance is 50/50 – or even 1%. I would have thought the idea is to give Peace MORE than a chance. But hey ho maybe that’s just me being pedantic.

 

Determinism Vrs Freewill …….

This topic could be , we should give more thought to what it is we want and be clear about what to do about it. to use another quote from someone else I have no idea about : 

"There is no chance, no destiny, no fate, that can hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul."  

Wilcox, Ella Wheeler

I can see the simple resolve to our prior arguments/doubts/wobbly meanderings  in this statement. That regardless of Chance or Destiny- what we are determined to do will be done. I wholly agree with that statement. However it’s flaw arrives at this question. How much determination does it take to meet the chosen resolve. Some things take more than one persons effort to change. Some things are not changeable (and thereby we are destined) however much effort is given simply because it is challenged or prevented by a greater determination of others . For example. It may be possible to rid the world of greed if enough unselfish people rally to the cause and make greed a punishable event. This was, in essence, the first call of communism. However we have since seen that the greedy are in abundance and have largely overwhelmed that idealism. Yes that ideal still remains but is (to date) an ideal that is not in effect for the majority.Let alone those who wield the power to make it so. So I can conclude that for many things- my ‘determined’ choices can meet an anticipated outcome.However their are limits to what outcomes I may create.

 

Finally – The Conclusion !

Well sort of. If you’ve got this far and have managed to follow the logic (if not the bits in brackets) you may think it’s impossible to draw a definitive conclusion . Aha ! but I will ! You see you’ve just experienced a few thoughts around the topic “Destiny or Chance” and are left with the thought (I hope)-

Q-Is my life (i.e. yours)  Destiny or Chance or Both or none of the above

(if none of the above then please tell me what the other thing is??? ) . I have stimulated you (cough,cough) given you just some of the materials to consider that question. A way to consider the question is to figure out which you personally find fits your experience best and shine the light of possibilities from the other schools of thought upon it. (A contra-evidence test)If you are left with no change then your thinking has been tested and your life remains as it was. If you find your thinking has changed then you should amend your life ( be it a little or greatly) to account for that new position. I’ll help with a little oversimplified algebra (then again that may make things more confusing for you..)

A= my current school of thought

B= all the other schools of thought

If A is greater than B. Then no change is required (A<B=0)

If A is less than B. Then ‘something’ needs to change (A>B=1)

If A is far greater than B. Then start a new religion and expect to die in mysterious circumstances …

OK- the last formula was tongue in cheek. My conclusive statement to you is- Look at your life and do what is needed. I don’t recommend that you spend the rest of your life (or lives) doing that. I do however believe that a little self analysis can go a long long way. After all no-one is perfect –are they? Many of you may have already done these things and so I am preaching to the choir. I myself am still in the process and have to decide – Do I have a destiny or should I take the chances to create one. I think I have a little of both. I do have a given destiny (it’s a secret for now), but I also have many other things ‘along the way’ that I can make better (or worse) by my choices. Ironically I am myself conflicted by my own reasoning (as explained above – just alongside ‘God makes a Snake picture). I could create a whirlwind of counter logic by asking the question- can a person miss their destiny ? – But I might leave that for someone else to answer. I will share a personal (very) illustration of how I myself need to change. I don’t think I’ve shown this one before?

fly eyes

 

A Fly’s eyes (compound eye) is effectively made up of lot’s of little eyes all working together in a curved or wide viewpoint. As a result the fly is fantastic at being able to see the slightest movement within it’s focus and a fair way beyond it’s focal range. The result is the fly is very difficult to catch – seeing movement rapidly –

This has been my problem. I am viewing many things (life, the universe and everything) with a variety of viewpoints. This has enabled me to see a movement, or an idealism, or something that is beyond my normal focus. I have a variety of angles on a given ‘thing’. However –just like the fly- I am unable to see anything for what it actually is.As it were i quickly see but never recognise. I may react to ‘stuff’ but have in fact no idea (singular) what I am reacting too.

As a result I have now started to see things through a particular view. This should result in my being able to react/engage/accept or reject things for what they ‘really’ are. The Illustration was ‘given to me’ by my ‘destiny maker’ and yes- I have sought ways (occasionally) to fulfil it. Hence I am firmly in the camp of “I have a Destiny”. however the ‘bigger picture’(of my destiny) is one I hope to never reveal until it’s a done job/thing– just to prove to myself that when it happens- it wasn’t me getting to it….

That said I sincerely hope you all find your Destiny – even if it is by chance. Oh and if you didn’t click on the link to Talking heads track ‘road to nowhere’ then do it now- It’s got a lot more in it than just a jolly tune 🙂

 

Love to all who can get it

 

Simon

no destiny’s were harmed in the making of this blog. The word destiny appears 34 times, chance 24 times. By co-incidence, only one of these is true.

route 66

 

 

 

This picture was Randomly Destined to be here 

Posted November 5, 2011 by gingersimon in Uncategorized

Chance or Destiny   13 comments

That might seem like a lofty title for a mere update on my move to new house. But it perhaps shows you how I have learnt to be more philosophical about the ‘Hurdles of Life’ that still keep coming my way.I will expand on the lofty title after I have chatted away about the latest changes. Apologies to those who think I may have forgotten to feed your insatiable curiosity. I did. SP_A3422

Well the planned – do it in a day- plan with large van and extra man was the first victim to ‘chance/destiny’ . That Van broke down so I had to move myself. As shown with a large trailer. That too needed various repairs before I could collect and use ( I repaired it) So a mere six journeys to and fro and a whooping amount of fuel, time and effort and I got myself in. I have now unpacked most of the boxes and am beginning to turn house into home. The Jeep has been on loan to me for so long it was decided – very generously- that I might as well buy it and pay in instalments. So I’m back on the road as well ! Leaving Bristol has been a welcome relief. It was so quiet on my first night that I kept suspecting someone must be nicking something out the back ( it was too quiet ) however after a few nights with the window ajar. I have settled back into the usual raucous snoring. Not that I hear it often . Follows is a video of the house BEFORE i moved in (youtube got snotty about the sound track- hence the link to flicker)

http://www.flickr.com/photos/59751559@N03/6226845430/ SP_A3421

 

I have of course begun to settle in and the lounge (not had one of those for ages) looks a little more like home ( which really means it’s cluttered all ready and needs a revisit by the tidy elfs)

As you can see I do have a small garden again. Plenty for me to be pottering about in. Other changes of chance or destiny ( I will get back to that thought soon enough) are that my potential employer (Right Time Foundation Ltd) is experiencing difficulties of a funding crises (they spent all the money ?) that has led to a staffing difficulties (everyone who was employed has left after not being paid) . So it’s down to a handful of volunteers who are waiting to see ‘what happens next’.plan b I suspect things will be re-organised and relocation is likely.  Should that happen I DO have PLAN B  all ready lined up.  The good advice of my friend Chip “ Always have an escape route” seems to be working.

 

That covers jobs,house, next would logically be ‘love’ – What can i say ?  Despite the advertising and willingness to travel ( approx 5 mins walking radius) nothing is on that front. SP_A3453 Yes I have the love of my children, fish and soon enough another pet cat ( shall i call it CAT 2 or Caahtoo ?) but ‘ it would be nice’ to find love with a women of some description. After all with a life as full and inspiring as mine , it MUST be better for sharing.Having given the pet Fish a slightly larger tank. They have advised me that the way to love is to have a women placed in a confined space where eventually i would be able to corner her and so guarantee courtship. I’m not sure if that translates well across our differing species ? Please feel free to advise me further/accordingly. Any virgin-media-logo other business ? Well there is the surprise from my ISP provider Virgin Media. They kindly sent me a whopping bill for my transfer of services from Bristol to Devizes. Free Router ? Nope, Free Install ? Nope. Same Broadband ‘unlimited’ – err nope. OK same unlimited phone calls all day ( I do use it a lot for job searching etc) – Err nope . So I’ve told them where they can stuff it and they’ve responded with a grovelling apology for not providing as advertised/requested- err nope ! Just a reminder the bill has to be paid ….. So in a few weeks I will pay them off  (it does feel like a protection racket) and go elsewhere. ~Incompetence – shame i have to pay for it . Again .

I’d forgotten how much time it takes to put out a little blog ! So I must quickly get an overdue late,midday nap in, before it overlaps with my early evening nap before medicated bedtime…. Oh darn – I was going to expound on Destiny or Chance – Ah well , next blog perhaps

 

Love to all who can get it

Simon

Posted October 9, 2011 by gingersimon in Uncategorized